Today I have been feeling depleted and crabby. I struggle with being transparent when people ask me how I’m doing. Most days I can muster a positive moment and tell them I’m doing well and ask how they are doing. Some days I can fake it. Not today. When the barista this morning, and also a friend, asked how I was doing I did not have the energy to lie.
Why do we lie when we are actually doing crappy? For me, heck, my nickname it “sunshine”. Most days I feel like that’s accurate, but some days it’s very hard to live up to that nickname. I feel like I’m somehow failing if I can’t add positivity to the people I encounter.
I’m also known for loving rainbows. Rainbows are so beautiful. But, think about it, what creates a rainbow? Sunshine –and- clouds and rain. It’s not only sunshine that can create beauty. We also need the clouds and the rain.
I’m working on being more honest with people about how I’m actually feeling, but it’s still hard for me. I want to be able to uplift people, but I also need to learn to *receive* uplifting too, and allow people to support me. That starts with letting them know if I’m not doing well and needing support.
I also really need to remind myself that I am loved and worthy of being loved when I just am not able to muster up positivity. I have not failed. I am human. Humans go through different emotions, and that’s absolutely normal. I am normal for feeling positive and negative. There’s nothing wrong with that. And there’s nothing wrong with *me*.
Feeling emotions, from happiness to sadness, from darkness to light, from clouds to sunshine. All of it, creates such a beautiful rainbow!
Kari Storm 