I’ve had so many stops and starts when it comes to quitting drinking lattes. Logically I know my body is going through the ringer on this and just needs some friggin consistency. Logically I know the reasons why I’m wanting to quit drinking them, but I keep failing over AND OVER. It’s been super frustrating, and really doing a number on my self-esteem. I’ve been struggling with negative self-talk when I end up giving in and having a latte. In those moments, I feel so weak and disappointed in myself.
Looking at this through a wider lens, though, the world is in chaos, and caffeine is my coping mechanism. Mix that with the fact that I’m extremely empathic and can feel the energy so intensely, it’s understandable I’m clinging to my coping mechanism. Especially when I feel like I’m starting to fall into depression, hopelessness, and loneliness. I just want to check out and/or feel better.
Even with the extreme negative effects of going back and forth with the amount of caffeine I’ve been drinking, knowing it throws my body out of whack and causes painful headaches, hasn’t been enough motivation to make me stop. Going to write at a coffee shop feels like a sense of normalcy among all the crap that’s going on. I feel torn because I want to go, and I enjoy it. I try to psyche myself up for ordering the green tea, but more often than not it seems that I end up ordering a latte. I don’t not want to go do my favorite thing, either. So, it’s been frustrating. Especially when I don’t see the state of the world easing up anytime soon, which stresses me out and makes me want to overcaffeinate.
At this point I think it’s most important to cut myself some slack. There’s a lot going on in the world, and it’s completely understandable that people are reaching for their coping mechanisms. Beating myself up for it is definitely not helping; it’s just making things worse. I need my own compassion and understanding right now. I need to remember I will love myself no matter what. We all need to give ourselves a break and be gentle to ourselves. I put my hand on my heart, and know that I deserve my own love and gentleness.