Lisa Klarner Coaching and Consulting – Saying “No”

You’re on a first date and aren’t really feeling it. Your date asks you at the end of it how you think it went, and if you want to go out again. I find these situations to be extremely awkward, and I have a difficult time being completely honest to someone’s face. Especially if they seem nervous, and you know it took a lot for them to ask you out again.

I haven’t yet been able to flat out say “no, I’m not interested” to their face. I tend to be vague, and then follow up with a text or email saying how I really feel. Why does it seem so hard to be honest face to face, though? For me, it’s because I feel guilty for letting them down or making them feel rejected or embarrassed.

But, what’s the alternative? Say “yes” when you don’t want to? What does that get you? I lose respect for myself when I do that. That’s basically telling myself that what I want doesn’t matter. That *I* don’t matter. And, that’s not the message I want to be telling myself.

So, I’ve been working on saying “no”. It’s been coming out shaky and hesitant. I have an internal battle with myself. I feel both guilty and relieved. But, actually getting out the “no” is an important first step. The more I do it, the more confident I’ll become and the easier it will get. I’ve noticed I’ve gained a lot more respect for myself already.

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